Local drug dealers were once again up in arms after West Midlands police issued a new and shocking edict. A change in policy by the police means that dealers can now be prosecuted for dealing in imperial measures. In a bid to meet recent European Directives concerning weights and measures the less than catchy 3.5 grams will replace the now familiar eighth.
In a recent “off the record” conversation with the West Midlands Police Imperial Measures Squad we were told “It’s not that we want to stop people selling drugs as such, well we do because it’s illegal, but we want to ensure that there is a coherent system of measurement. Most kids out there don’t even know what an ounce is and this could lead to all manner of weight related mishaps. Is that the sort of world we want our children to grow up in?”
Although many sections of the community applaud this bold move it has met with predictable resistance from narcotic retailers across the city. One drug dealer we spotted outside a local primary school yelled at us “So do I get some sort of grant to buy new scales? It’s those blasted Brussels bureaucrats again isn’t it? They’ll be telling us we can’t eat sausages next, the bastards.”
In a bid to stem confusion the Police will be handing out easy to use conversion cards that show at a glance how much skag you can get for ten quid.