In a desperate bid to gain more credence with young people, the Catholic Church last week announced a radical restructuring of services. It has long realised that it’s outmoded reliance on intransigent dogma was not exactly “happening”, and in an attempt to get more “with it” it has contracted out the canonisation process to external contractors.
The surprise winners of the hotly contended tender were the South Birmingham Liberal Party. Recognised for their deep-rooted understanding of youth culture, the Liberal party were seen as the only organisation that could once again attract young people back to the church. Through a rigorous process of appointments the party hopes to select new saints that reflect the cut and thrust of a truly ecumenical society.
The new “Devils Advocate” Councillor John Hemming never had any doubt who his first appointment would be “When we looked at the candidates there was no real choice it had to be Martin. Some of the work he’s done with the Moseley Forum has been a miracle easily comparable with the raising of Lazarus from the dead.”
St Martin of Mullaney, as he has chosen to be called, has promised that his newfound place at the right hand of God will not go to his head. He wryly told us “After working with Councillor Hemmings I reckon God’s going to be a doddle.”