Well, I still hate every last one of you. Another month comes round and you expect me to just keep giving. It takes a lot, you know. My monthly column combines forthright expression with a previously unseen fluidity of language. The motivation doesn’t come from space you know. I have to summon it from the depths of my tired soul. And I am tired. Work harder Simon…work faster Simon…be funnier Simon. My last boyfriend lasted longer, Simon, and he still had his balls. Are you licking your arse, Simon ? Well I’m not licking anyone’s arse anymore. You can do some work for a change. I’m going to give you some keywords (the sort of thing I might be expected to talk about) and you can make your own monthly, semi-factual, darkly humorous with an edge of controversial truth column. And when you’ve written it, send it in. If we like it then you can come in to the Eye On Moseley features suite. And I’ll stick your article up your arse. Where it belongs. So here we go:
Petrol Concorde
Portsmouth Paedophiles
The Dome
Submarines
Big Brother
Good luck.