Guess what I saw the other day. Go on, guess. A lovely big jay. I think it was a jay anyway. Lovely blue tail. I don’t know if I was more pleased about seeing that little fella, or about those cheeky squirrels who scamper about in my rooftop garden, with little bits of toast in their gobs. Oh how they make me chuckle.

But I always feel on the verge of a big belly laugh nowadays, dont you ? It’s difficult to see how things could could get any better somedays, when it’s sunny and the lovely smooth thigh’s of nature are wrapped around everyone’s faces. Isn’t it nice to just be able to take a midnight stroll through the park, with your faithful bitch by your side, without worrying about the cold? And isn’t it nice to be able to throw a bit of a barbecue and just…chat?

No. All my fucking hair’s falling out, I’m getting fucking sucked dry by fleas and in my tossy fucking rooftop garden it gets too hot to walk on the bloody ground. And no-one makes fucking flip-flops for cats, do they?

Summer? It doesn’t take a genius to work out that it’s shit, and I say fuck it. and anyone who doesn’t like it, FUCK YOU.

(By the way, there are flip-flops available for cats with feet of all sizes. Available in Sage and both Zen’s, these comfy wheat-based pet shoes are both edible and vegan friendly).

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