The sight of two people beating seven shades of shit out of each other is not unusual in the Prince of Wales but it appears the ritual violence is about to take a more organised form. A new move by the landlord is likely to see the institution of the worlds premier no-holds fighting competition in our homely little suburb. A recent campaign by Birmingham rag, The Evening Mail, has left Ultimate Fighting looking for a new location. The Prince of Wales saw the opportunity and was eager to step into the fray.

A representative of the Prince Of Wales told us yesterday “What is the Prince of Wales known for? I’ll tell you. It’s got the only decent beer garden and you have to be hard as nails to drink in here. At a recent board meeting we discussed these issues and reached the only natural conclusion. This summer we will erect a cage and look forward to a decent ding-dong on the cobbles, as it were.”

Worldwide interest has been startling, with the Gracie family already committing themselves to sending a representative to demonstrate their own peculiar style of Brazilian grappling. Invitations to prove their worth have been sent to community leaders but unfortunately Mr Nima was quickly ruled out as his mechanical nature was deemed to provide him with an unfair advantage.

For no apparent reason we asked Councillor Kennedy for comments on this most unusual of moves. He told us “Most people respect Royce Gracie for his understated use of Jujitsu and Aikido but at the end of day I think he’s just a pussy. I’m a Shamrock man. Ken will uses all means available to win, no motherfucker would block his back passage, I like that.”

Eye on Moseley says “Get in there and finish him.”

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