With the advent of the new Alcohol Free Zone in downtown Moseley we are all set to lead more fulfilling lives (if a little more sober). Though this irresponsible legislation could have spelt doom for everyones favourite streetdrinker.
Willie has been quitely drunk on the Village Green since before accurate records began; this era almost came to a shocking end. His cheery cry of “Hello, have you got any money?” has greeted Moseley shoppers as they go about their business for many years. In many ways this has become a foundation of all of our lives.
Based on Willies’ utter incomprehension of what is going on in our world it would have been unlikely that he could grasp the subtleties of the new anti-street drinker legislation. As a result the police were expecting to arrest him most days as he goes about his evil business. That is until local the local traders association stepped into to preserve this most vital of local institutions.
A representative of the traders association told us this morning “A Moseley without Willie is a Moseley that none of us want to live in. Let’s face it he’s never done anyone any harm, except the owner of Bistro Lyonaise who he punched in the face, but it’s hardly a crime is it? A bunch of us decided that the only way to help him was to build what can only be called a Wendy House in the centre of the Village Green.”
This novel approach means that he can sit quietly in his little house and circumvent the draconian punishment that would undoubtedly have been metered out to him.
Another consequence of the Alcohol Free Zone is also due to have an impact on another of Moseley’s treasured institutions. Since time immemorial Moseley citizens have become used to gangs of unruly social workers and teachers mucking about outside of the Prince of Wales.
The new legislation prohibits the consumption of alcohol within 330 meters of the Village Green. Through a bizarre twist of fate and measurement this distance goes exactly up to the front door of the Prince of Wales. This has caused the strange situation where a drunken Geography Teacher could stagger to the left and become an instant criminal (no doubt losing both their job and the respect of their peers) whilst falling to the right leaves them as a fine upstanding member of our society.
It’s all in the planning.