Moseley street criminals were said to be despondant yesterday about the sudden dip in local crime. A hastily convened meeting of social misfits looked at ways that this worrying trend can be redressed. The initiatives discussed were banding together in Mad Max style groups and a rigorous policy of shop lifting.

One local criminal who was just released from a “stretch” in the “Green” said, “I used to be proud to say I came from Moseley, you used to be able to deal drugs openly in Woodbridge Road and there was even a stabbing in the Fighting Cocks once. Now whenever I see my mates in Kings Heath they laugh and call me hippy boy.”

We challenged the Police on what they were going to do to help this under priviledged group and they said “You are joking aren’t you, first you tell us you want less crime, now you want more. Why don’t they go and get jobs like everybody else?”

In an impassioned speech at the meeting a spokesman said “In Balsall Heath they have guns and crack whore’s, the only rocks you can get round here are the healing kind.”

Last night there was a glimmer of hope after it was announced that the council will be installing CCTV through out Balsall Heath. With a bit of luck and a trailing wind the new system might displace crime to Moseley.

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