Popular Peruvian knick-knack trove The Crappy Jungle is today at the centre of an abscess of controversy which threatens to burst all over our collective dinners after being found displaying a cushion in the window that was made in the exotic and quaint location of Balsall Heath.
The aromatic store, whose slogan “Pushing Toltec Rubbish For Longer Than You Care to Remember” has become a household catchphrase, has prided itself on importing a huge range of over expensive, luridly coloured scarves and pillows from South America. “Anybody can get a cushion from England”, the store’s owner Jonathan Fecke once said, “but a cushion from South America is like a romantic sofa adventure that will always be with you”.
Now though, that attitude seems to be a thing of the past as Moseley residents were shocked to find a cushion in the window embroidered with a crude representation of Zaff’s.
One tearful and obviously distraught citizen described her revulsion at the find – “It’s sick, just sick,” she said, “worse than fucking kids. The one thing that keeps me going in this hellish world is the certain knowledge that whatever you buy from the Crappy Jungle will always be authentically and lovingly crafted by a Peruvian peasant for a couple of guava halves and sold over here for seventy pounds or so. It’s sort of comforting to know that we can exploit them because we’re better than them. Now I don’t even have that.”
Mr Fecke refused to comment to an Eye reporter at the rear of his shop today, saying in his defence “Don’t park there.”