Road to Nowhere
A week after Salisbury Road was closed to the rest of us it seemed our fears were unfounded. Yes, it smells a bit but it’s no worse than King Heath High Street. Ok, laws aren’t applied in the same way as before but it’s a good-natured lawlessness, like an episode of Minder.
As a result of this unexpected closure, a decision has been taken to make it permanent. A Council spokesperson told us “We’ve done the maths and it seems that those houses most inconvenienced by the closure of Salisbury Road are, on average, 15% smaller than the houses actually on Salisbury Road. As house size is a fairly good indicator of human decency we have decided to close Salisbury Road to everyone except the good people that live there”.
A jubilant resident’s association member told us “Let’s be clear this isn’t one of those liberal traffic calming things. You’re all banned. Including cyclists and pedestrians. In many ways the walkers are the worst, looking through our windows gasping at our massive tellys. Get out of here, we’re going to have a street party and none of you are invited.”
The people of Salisbury Road wish to make it clear that they do not need buses.