Bargains galore might be had in the new look Kwik Save but a disturbing new trend has got everyone’s favourite budget foodstore all riled up. Since Kwik Save invested heavily in providing us with a unique shopping experience they have noticed an almost worrying increase in customers. Some of these customers just can’t bring themselves to leave.
One such happy shopper from Mayfield Road (Moseley) was so bedazzled by the bright lights of his shopping experience that he has refused to leave. He is said to have barricaded himself in the cash office and has even changed his name to Bob “Somerfield” Davies. In an exclusive interview granted to us through the door of his hideaway he told us “I was amazed each isle now has a distinct line of goods whilst also providing quality foodstuffs at remarkably low prices. You know I used to think Kwik Save was only good for broken biscuits and cheap toilet roll but this has really opened my eyes to what real value is. Say for example the Queen was coming round to your house for a bun and a cup of tea, well you can get both tea and buns here. It’s almost scary.”
When asked why he had made the radical decision to live in Kwik Save he stated it was largely down to hereditary mental health problems. The manager himself has been pleased by the much needed local publicity. He told us “Get out of my shop and put that fucking camera down.” In a desperate atempt to rid themselves of their unwanted “shop” guests have taken to offering Bob a peice of cheese stuck to the end of a broom. This has, as yet had limited success in shifting Bob. As he brazenly told us “I’m not a mouse you know? In fact I’m not convinced that mice are actually that keen on cheese.