Every few months Eye on Moseley gathers together the finest minds in a vain attempt to finally solve the thorny problem of who is the most powerful person in Moseley. After weeks of deliberation and mountains of submissions from the community we can finally reveal the one individual who can rightly claim to be our “better”.
As is customary in this made up competition the most powerful person in Moseley has been selected from a shortlist of ten based on four distinct and important categories. Each person has been graded on how contemporary they are, their recognised acts of human kindness, their appearance and how “Moseley” they are. The results were as follows: –
1. Woman On A Stool
2. Martin Mullaney
3. The One Legged Man
4. Spanish Rick
5. The Ginger Haired Woman Of Atlantis
6. Elaine
7. The Pornstar
8. Tony Thapar
9. The Piss Drinking Woman Of Zen
10. Mr Woodbridge Hardware
The clear winner has been tirelessly serving the people of Moseley with fags and beer at reasonable prices for many years. Nobody who has ever been caught on Woodbridge Road gagging for a can of Special Brew can have failed to notice her cheery nature and the accuracy of her change. Unfortunately for the Woman On A Stool the prize for winning this coveted status is a two-litre bottle of cider, which we realise, is something she’s not exactly short of. All the same though, congratulations and use your power well.
Besides our glorious winner there have been some surprise nominations since the last list was compiled. A stunning run by Internet Baron and pretend politician Martin Mullaney has placed him as the second most powerful person in Moseley. This is clearly a warning to the holy trinity of Labour councillors who did not have a single entry in the top ten.
The One Legged Man narrowly beat Spanish Rick to third place demonstrating that his endless hours outside Kwik Save have not been wasted. It is also worth noting that the shock inclusion of Tony Thapar from the Moseley Community Development Trust shows that you can do good work for the community and still be respected.
We would like to thank all of you who contributed to making this list and would like to propose a toast to the Woman On A Stool, long may she reign.