“What is it?”, “Who owns it?”, “Where’s my dinner?” are the questions being asked at the most salubrious dinner parties in Moseley. All this controversy has been caused by the shock appearance of a metal monstrosity pointing like some sort of finger to heaven. Whilst few people can deny it’s existence, few people know what it does.
The obvious explanation is that it is a communication machine invented by Mr Moneywise to allow the legions of slave children hiding in his enormous caverns to talk to their parents. Although a credible explanation, recent investigations by Moseley authorities have yet to prove the existence of slave labour in Moneywise. Though how Mr Moneywise can produce such high quality goods without the use of slave labour is still a mystery.
The craziest theory being muttered in Moseley is that it must be some sort of transmitter owned by a mobile phone company. This is clearly nonsense, as anyone with a mobile phone in Moseley will tell you.
The real answer is more chilling than anyone could have believed possible. We have been somewhat reliably informed that this aberration of technology is in fact a machine invented by the armchair scientists of the Prince of Wales. Its sole purpose is to categorically disprove the existence of God once and for all. They believe that once they live in a God-free Moseley they will be free to create an army of cloned social workers that will sweep across our village putting everything they meet into care. As yet we are not aware of what this will achieve.
This is the future.