If I spot one more fresh faced wanker with spiky hair, brand new trainers and a t-shirt (or other top) with “Cuba” or any sort of number on the front, I’m going to fucking kill them. And that applies to your top to toe denim girlfriend as well.
What is wrong with people? I always truly believed that the fashion industry was just a self-perpetuating myth that sucks in enough vapid rich scum every year to pay for itself. It snares the Tara Palmer-Tompkinsons, the Victoria Herveys and Beckhams who are too rich to know better and tells them that they look like turds (which they do), and that to look better they should wear X. But only for a season. What the hell have seasons got to do with clothing, other than the size and thickness of said clothing? Winter = Big clothes, Summer = Small clothes. On a sliding scale.
It’s not just the above named celebrati who get sucked in, but many, many other people. What the hell did all those wankers in “Duffer” tops wear before they became fashionable? How do women who wear trouser skirts hold their heads up in public? Why is it that when I wore all denim in 1989 (a la Axl Rose) I was a twat, but now it’s cool. Clothes should come in two sizes, man and woman. A large, shapeless, utilitarian garment that can be expanded or contracted with extra pieces of material that can be fastened on with poppers and elastic/string to decrease the size of the garment.
These would be available in a range of greys, browns and beiges and would totally negate the need for “looking good”, freeing up millions of hours for women to reconsider the idea of trouser skirts.
It’s not that I don’t wear clothes (I do), it’s just that one person in a “Porn Star” t-shirt is witty and cool. One million people in the same t-shirt is just slow-witted. I’m not advising people to spend their fashion dollars in “Crafty Jungle” (god forbid) or Moneywise, I’m just asking for … what am I asking for? I’m not asking for anything. I’m ranting. Be advised, however, that if you buy clothes from GAP, JB Sports, Diesel you look pretty much like everyone else. If you read FHM, Maxim or urrm..Men’s Health you think pretty much like everyone else. And you need to watch out, because any opportunity I get…I’m gonna bagpipe you all. To death.