Bon Marche!
I hope I find you all settled wearily in front of your monitors, the cold glare of cathode rays bouncing off your glazed eyes. I also hope that I can bring some measure of cheer to you, my readers, as you tighten, tighten, tighten your grip on the arms of your chairs, racing towards winter…another year older…another year gone.
They started selling Christmas crackers in Kwik Save on September 10th this year. Mind-blowing isn’t it? I want to meet the person who see’s Christmas crackers on the 10th September and thinks “Christ…”(no pun intended)”I’d better get those now or I’ll forget.” Arseholes.
I’m getting distracted though. My beef is not with Christmas. It is with families. There is a link to be made between the two topics but I can’t be bothered to spell it out for you.
I only noticed that families are the scum of the Earth recently.It was like one of those stereogram pictures that are just so much gibberish until suddenly they make sense. The moment of clarity came after that grotesque travesty … the family fun day.
I have already made my feelings clear about that abortion of an event. If that right-wing, baptist revival crap is the way that families want to spend their days out (and with 900 paying people through the door, it obviously is) then they deserve a good talking to. And if there’s one thing I can do in this life, it’s berate people and things that probably don’t deserve it. So here we go.
Families cost us money. (Please note that from this point onwards, “us” denotes people who have abstained from family life.) They cost us a lot of money. They get tax-relief from a multitude of different sources. I actually know one family who receive so much government money for their reckless fecundity, that they use twenty pound notes to wipe their arses. They get schools for their mewling, whining brats. How much does a school cost for frig’s sake? And there’s hundreds of them as well. Why can’t they have one big fucking school. And then we can make all the families live in one place. Preferably somewhere in the North.
We can treat them with the disdain they deserve. Our model can be the way humans are treated by apes in “Planet Of The Apes”. It can work. They should be made to pay for rearing the generation that will overtake us. I’m not subsidising my successor’s. No way. And neither should any of you.
No more maniacal, pram-wielding, hormonally imbalanced women. No more de-masculinised, subservient, pseudo-men…sated by the ultimate fulfillment of creating little replica’s of themselves.
We can clone ourselves from now till the end of time. Accurate records can be kept of everything our present selves say and do and these records can be passed on to our future selves making us practically immortal. There’s nothing they can do that we can’t, and we’re already intellectually and physically mature.
(It may appear that Simon is advancing a new theoretical spin on eugenics. And in a way he is.)