In 1984 Midge Ure convinced the world that at Christmas time “there’s no need to be afraid”. For many Moseley parents those words are at best hollow. It appears that earlier this week an unscrupulous Santa succeeded in stealing an entire generation of Moseley children. Armed only with a four wheel drive and a rather dodgy looking trailer he managed to scoop children from the street for God only knows what evil purpose.
We met with Moseley police earlier who gave us more details, “It seems that over the course of the last week we’ve lost nearly 200 children and can only expect this to continue as Christmas gets closer. I want to reiterate to parents that our oral history is quite explicit on this subject, eight little reindeer pull Santa’s sleigh, and they are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. At a push we will let you have Rudolph as well. At no point does anyone claim that Santa is pulled along by a Nissan Navara. If you see Santa attached to such a vehicle then we’re fairly confident that he’s an imposter and is probably going to nick your kids.”
Although the loss of an entire generation is something to be concerned about we have to point out that it has made it much easier to drive to work. So not all bad news.