An unseemly row seems to have broken out between the residents of Kings Heath, Moseley and Balsall Heath as a result of the recent opening of the “Corridor of Death” (please note nobody actually died). Residents of the various areas are up in arms concerning who actually suffered the most damage.
The Moseley Forum shouted at us “Kings Heath? Are you having a laugh? A crap bakers and an old church isn’t real damage. Have you seen the weather hell that we lived through? Have you walked Oxford Road? You certainly can’t drive down it.”
The Balsall Heath Forum has been incensed by these baseless accusations. They responded in an irritated tone “How many houses were destroyed in Moseley? I’ll tell you, none, well certainly not more than five. We don’t have many left.”
Police are now concerned that residents are taking matters into their own hands to provide further evidence of destruction. A spokesman told us “We are worried that certain groups of residents are actually causing more damage in a surreal tit for tat spat over who suffered the most damage. There have been reports of chainsaw wielding Moseleyites taking to the streets in the dead of night to cut even more trees down. This has to stop. Not only is it dangerous but it is also particularly silly”.
The havoc caused by natures clear disgust with the people of South Birmingham is not entirely bad news. A spokesman for Birmingham City Council told us “The one good thing about this is that it proves that our emergency plan is truly effective against extreme whether events. Some laughed at us when we inserted the Tornado clause into paragraph 4 but they are not laughing now.”
Paragraph 4 of the emergency plan states:-
“In the event of such an event as a Tornado, or any other form of mighty wind, the Police shall be given such powers as to instruct the event to desist causing much more damage and leave the area immediately”
As the emergency gathered pace it seems that the Police did issue such an order and greater catastrophe was avoided.
The Council spokesman continued “This is clear evidence of the great steps the ruling Conservative leadership have taken in managing this great city. If the Labour party were still in power this Tornado could have gone as far as Yardley. In fact if it was down to those bastards it probably would have started in Yardley.”
The residents of Small Heath have not been dragged into this strangest of arguments as some estimate that as a result of the Tornado some property values have increased by as much as 20% (©That old joke that was emailed to all South Birmingham residents on Friday morning)