The continuing controvesy surrounding Moseley’s newest pub has taken a sinister turn for the worst. The recent license hearing was heralded as a triumph of common sense by the moral majority of Moseley when magistrates refused the brewery permission to open a new pub. Much slapping of backs was to be heard around the leafy boulevards of Chantry Road and beyond as they congratulated themselves once again on preventing more fun.
The announcement that Wetherspoons were to appeal against this decision was greeted with very different reactions. Certain sections of our community have decided that the time for discussions has come to an end and that a more direct form of action is needed. An anonymous group thought to be funded by Wetherspoons brewery and Libya are arming themselves in order to take back control of the village from those who generally seem to speak on our behalf. Local military experts from the Prince Of Wales maintain that if this escalation reamins unchecked there is a very real chance of a “balkans style” conflict occuring within South Birmingham.
An insider told us “It’s not just the pub, though I like the idea of a no smoking bar and a wide selection of food, it’s the principle of the thing. As our first form of action we’re thinking of blowing Willy up. That’ll show ‘em.” The prospect of randomly exploding street drinkers is likely to have a negative effect on Moseley’s essential tourist trade.
When we contacted the Wetherspoons to find out their feelings on such drastic action the regional manager told us “It’s about time they realised who they’re fucking with. We’ve been very nice until now. There were only 800 names on that petition, I think we might visit those people and have a chat with them about modern licensed retailing. They didn’t want a pub in Harborne you know? At first anyway.” We left him lovingly polishing a rather battered base ball bat.