Reports have recently begun to arrive that our friendly local delicatessen has an unlikely crisis brewing. As everyone knows, Mr Nima is a model of efficiency and good manners. There is a reason for this. The original Mr. Nima was replaced in 1992 after he accidentally short-changed a customer and then punched him violently in the face for arguing about it.
The Sandford Road Massive(SRM) and The Chantry Road Mafia(CRM) had consultations and decided that a sort of cross between Yul Brynner (in Westworld) and Ian Holm (in Alien) would provide the best service. They utilised the extreme vegan robotic scientists of the Sage Trust for Vegetarian Control of the Universe and created the new Mr.Nima. He was designed to run without maintenance for hundreds of years, however things have gone awry. Over-exposure to the moisture of the cheese counter has warped his computer brain and in a scene reminiscent of Ian Holm’s total spasmodic breakdown in “Alien”, he is due to go critical in mid-July. The irony will not escape this intrepid reporter as he watches Mr.Nima stuff the CRM and SRM’s orifice with selected cooked meats and exotic fancy goods.