As the Boundary Commission revealed its exciting plans to redraw Birmingham many thought this was the result of bureaucratic incompetence. We can now know that the decision to remove Moseley from Moseley was actually a decision taken at the highest level of Government.
We can exclusively reveal that David Cameron personally intervened to ensure that the majority of Moseley should be incorporated into Balsall Heath.
A spokesperson for Downing Street told us “Whilst the Prime Minister has enjoyed his frequent visits to Balsall Heath he has felt they were lacking. Having a community plan is all very well but if you want someone like the Prime Minister to spend a night in your little town then you are going to have to show him some of the things he’s more familiar with. Mr Cameron has made it clear that if he is to be expected to go to Balsall Heath anymore then it needs at least one Michelin Star restaurant, some houses with decent en suite bathrooms and at least one person that knows what a decent Pinot Noir is. ”
We asked the Boundary Commission for comment on their ludicrous proposal and they gave us this statement. “Whilst we recognise that these plans will undermine hundreds of years of local history and split apart an engaged and active community, it’s not all about you. You are more than welcome to elect some slightly more Conservative representatives and then we’ll look at putting your community back together. ”
Today’s safe word is Gerrymander.