You’ve heard the news that The Cross is finally shutting down haven’t you? Did you give a little sniff? Did a tear come to your eye? Well it seems that wasn’t a misplaced nostalgic reaction for a pub that generally wasn’t that good, it’s more than likely that you’ve been infected by the unique culture of toxins that have been released from The Cross as part of the refurbishment process.

Chemical warfare experts have been called in to try and preserve the toilets as a site of special scientific interest. We managed to snatch a quick chat with a so called expert supervising the removal of said toilets, he told us,

“This place is incredible, some bacteria have grown to the size of my fist. Now I’m a man of science and I can tell you it is very unusual for a single cell organism to be visible to the naked eye let alone be something you could realistically have a conversation with. It is entirely possible that these toilets could have wiped out life on earth as we know it if you hadn’t called us. Were these people scared of water or something?”

We all have our favourite story about The Cross and its cavalier attitude to hygiene, ours is probably the environmental health inspection that found they kept prawns on the fire escape outside rather than in the fridge. We won’t miss The Cross it was at best annoying at worst a tangible health hazard.

The Cross is now going to be replaced by a pop up restaurant called Mo Dough. This is said to be a unique attempt to blend the two concepts of pizza and Pop-Up Pirate into a unique dining experience. So if you like  your food doughey or really hate pirates get yourself down there at 5pm tomorrow.