Terror hit the West Midlands last night as Moseley was shaken to it’s very core by a devastating earthquake. Many residents sat bolt upright in bed and said things like “What was that?” as they were gripped by the phenomenon that is already been written into local folklore as “Ol’ Shakey”.
The extensive damage sustained involved some plants falling on their sides and even a shed on Sandford Road that is now showing a distinct list. The Moseley Forum has called on all residents to pull together and go round and see old people and stuff.
In a hastily convened press conference this morning a spokesperson for the Forum said “We can all thank god that it wasn’t much much worse. But at the end of the day, now is the time for the people of Armenia and India to put their money where their mouth is and cough up the cash we need to rebuild out tattered community. Although we might not have suffered much visible damage the on-going ramifications of this disaster are almost incalculable. For example Mr Sai found it very difficult to get back to sleep last night and as a result some people were unable to buy a paper this morning. So we, the Moseley Forum, say to the people of the third world, get your hands in your pockets and give us what’s due. I thank you.”
It is believed that a disaster special edition of B13 magazine will be in the shops by Wednesday and will feature a new editor, interviews with the rescue services and exclusive pictures of builders trying to fix the shed. All this and the usual features about gardens and “lady vicars” that we all know and love.
On a lighter note, it was a relief to see that Moseley’s Civil Defence Contingency worked like a dream. Notable Moseley celebrities such as Mr Nima and Councillor Bryan Knott were taken to a secure location where they would be able to maintain continuity of local government in case of total civil collapse. Though unfortunately before the limited scale of the shock was realised, Martin Mullaney had already volunteered to be beheaded and his head cryogenically frozen in order to protect treasured memories of Moseley as was. Doctors are expected to try and thaw him out and put him back together again later today.