{"id":74,"date":"2005-08-04T19:02:00","date_gmt":"2005-08-04T19:02:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/trite101.wordpress.com\/2005\/08\/04\/nice-hole\/"},"modified":"2005-08-04T19:02:00","modified_gmt":"2005-08-04T19:02:00","slug":"nice-hole","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/?p=74","title":{"rendered":"Nice Hole"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\nFears that there had an evolution in space and time and the creation of a multiverse were laid to rest last night, when it was releaved that the cause of the suspected “big bang 2” was actually a man’s fart. Fears were initially raised on Tuesday evening, when villagers in Moseley reported a “Loud explosion” of Biblical proportions (erm, like when Moses used Semtex to pass the Russians through the eye of a needle, to get them into heaven).<\/p>\n

One eyewitness, a ‘hard working businessman’ from Moseley said, “I was doing my rounds collecting some ‘professional fees’ from business contacts in a local public house, ‘The Chiming Clocks’ when we heard a big bang. Everyone just shat themselves.” Disgruntled local resident, Chaz Knight, who was also in The Chiming Clocks said, “I returned home later that night to discover that my roof had fallen down!!! At first I thought I was just a pissed up lunatic, but the roof was still on the floor in the morning.”<\/p>\n

Scientists from Kings Heath later located the epicentre of the blast to another room in the house of Mr. Knight. “It turns out” said Chaz, “that my flatmate Patt Wulliams had gotten himself into some kind of Curry eating contest, and I don’t mean Edwina, know what I mean, me old china” An underworld source close to The Chantry Road Mafia slammed Wulliams, he told us “this is outragous, according to our records Wulliams has never as much as offered us a cup of tea, never mind the kind of money that would get planning permission for this kind of arse passed.<\/p>\n

On contacting The Guiness book to determine if some kind of world record had been established, we were told “no you can’t speak to fucking Norris McWhirrter” So we contacted Record Breakers were a researcher told us “I don’t know why we bother anymore, its all gone downhill since Roy Castle died, Chris Akabusi can’t even play the trumpet.” Local ‘know it all’ Professor Carl Birmingham told us “This just reinforces my theory of Quantam Mechanics, whereby the sum of the mass to the power of the density of the universe = The West Midlands. On going to press The Supreme Court of Moseley announced a temporary injunction had been placed on local eating establishment ‘Krapabish’ preventing sales of spicy meals to Mr. Wulliams.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Fears that there had an evolution in space and time and the creation of a multiverse were laid to rest last night, when it was releaved that the cause of the suspected “big bang 2” was actually a man’s fart. Fears were initially raised on Tuesday evening, when villagers in Moseley reported a “Loud explosion” […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[23],"class_list":["post-74","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-story","tag-chantry-road-mafia"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2okCM-1c","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=74"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=74"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=74"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=74"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}