{"id":30,"date":"2005-08-04T18:11:00","date_gmt":"2005-08-04T18:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/trite101.wordpress.com\/2005\/08\/04\/put-the-kettle-on-theres-a-lobster\/"},"modified":"2005-08-04T18:11:00","modified_gmt":"2005-08-04T18:11:00","slug":"put-the-kettle-on-theres-a-lobster","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/?p=30","title":{"rendered":"Put the Kettle on There’s a Lobster"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\nThe sickening crash of broken glass woke Moseley last week after an unprovoked attack on a local restaurant. The Bistro Lyonnaise, had it’s front window smashed in a reprisal attack from a previously unknown organisation that appears to campaign for the release of lobsters and other forms of shell fish.<\/p>\n

The attack apparently was intended to secure a safe escape route for incarcerated crustaceans. Fortunately nobody was hurt in this act of senseless violence. A particularly well informed bloke we met in a pub told us “What they don’t understand is that they don’t even keep lobsters there, they use a sort of lobster paste and you can’t liberate that can you? Well you can’t really it would just sit there?”<\/p>\n

The Police as yet don’t seem to have any leads on the whereabouts of this shadowy organisation but they do appear to have been active across the Midlands. A Police spokesperson told us “Your average Lobster wouldn’t last five minutes in somewhere as cosmopolitan as Moseley, they released some in Small Heath about five year ago and they’re doing well. Everybody there thinks they are some kind of armour plated cat.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The sickening crash of broken glass woke Moseley last week after an unprovoked attack on a local restaurant. The Bistro Lyonnaise, had it’s front window smashed in a reprisal attack from a previously unknown organisation that appears to campaign for the release of lobsters and other forms of shell fish. The attack apparently was intended […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[18,100],"class_list":["post-30","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-story","tag-bistro-lyonnais","tag-police"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2okCM-u","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=30"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=30"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}