{"id":167,"date":"2005-08-04T21:41:00","date_gmt":"2005-08-04T21:41:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/trite101.wordpress.com\/2005\/08\/04\/a-bridge-too-far\/"},"modified":"2005-08-04T21:41:00","modified_gmt":"2005-08-04T21:41:00","slug":"a-bridge-too-far","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/?p=167","title":{"rendered":"A Bridge Too Far"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\nThe sort of inane curiosity that seems to be the curse of tiny suburban communities has once again consumed Moseley. Everywhere you go all you can hear is the same hushed question repeatedly being asked of all and sundry, \u201cWhat are all those concrete blocks doing on Woodbridge Road?\u201d they say. This seemingly innocuous addition to the village infrastructure has captured the people of Moseley\u2019s imaginations with a force that hasn\u2019t been seen since Willie got a new hat.<\/p>\n

The shocking reasons for this ad hoc customisation of Moseley\u2019s oldest and only bridge are both interesting and complicated. Over the last month we have had an undercover reporter secluded on Woodbridge Road monitoring developments as they happen. What we have learnt goes to the very top of Moseley society and the implications are clear for everyone to see.<\/p>\n

The blocks appeared over night and just about everyone has a theory about what they are doing. One such theory is that the new Italian restaurant installed them in a bizarre yet shit publicity stunt. We have managed to discredit this theory as the bunkum it surely is.<\/p>\n

Our suspicions were first aroused by Woodbridge Hardware\u2019s sudden increase in trade. Scruffy Moseley types have been seen entering the hardware shop at unlikely times of the day and night and leaving with satisfied yet vacant looks on their faces. We challenged one individual to explain his sudden interest in late might DIY and clearly touched a nerve, he told us \u201cLook mate I\u2019ve got nothing to say, I needed to buy a hammer alright. I haven\u2019t been buying heroin or anything, shit.\u201d At this point he legged it.<\/p>\n

We questioned Mr Woodbridge Hardware on his diversification from quality pans into hard drugs and he told us \u201cIt\u2019s a fair cop guv\u2019nor you\u2019ve got me bang to rights. You\u2019ve got to appreciate that the cutthroat world of hardware can be a tricky trade. With Kwik Save selling pans now I just can\u2019t earn a crust, you do understand don\u2019t you. When I was in Iran I met this bloke who said he could shift me a weight in concrete blocks. I had to go for it. I\u2019ve got a wife and kids you know?\u201d<\/p>\n

This stunning confession probably leaves more questions than it answers. Firstly, why has he began to talk like a pretend Cockney? Secondly, why leave such incriminating evidence in plain view?<\/p>\n

In short we really don\u2019t know but it doesn\u2019t stop us making stuff up and clearly libelling a prominent local business<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The sort of inane curiosity that seems to be the curse of tiny suburban communities has once again consumed Moseley. Everywhere you go all you can hear is the same hushed question repeatedly being asked of all and sundry, \u201cWhat are all those concrete blocks doing on Woodbridge Road?\u201d they say. This seemingly innocuous addition […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[88,138],"class_list":["post-167","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-story","tag-mr-woodbridge-hardware","tag-woodbridge-road"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2okCM-2H","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/167","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=167"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/167\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=167"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=167"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eyeonmoseley.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=167"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}