Shockwaves were sent through the very soul of Moseley last night by the news that Garment Giant Nebbeton were set to close their store. The love/hate relationship with local residents came to a head after the latest advertising campaign finally overstepped the mark. Local moral entrepreneurs, Mr. & Mrs. Thisismy-Sisterwife, led the tirade that has caused both the closure of the store with the loss of 6 jobs and the sacking of Nebbeton advertising guru, Giuliano Iamnotpaparazzo.
sismy-Sisterwifes were outraged by the pictures that Iamnotpaparazzo had taken of local street drinkers for the clothing giant’s most recent and certainly most contreversial advertising campaign. The posters with the slogan, “Pissed as a fart” featured a number of village denizens in various states of intoxication, drinking cider out of traditional brown plastic bottles, on the village ‘green’.
We asked the Mr. Thisismy-Sisterwife what the spark that lit the taper of their moral panic was? “I was watching the T.V. waiting for McGuyver to come on when one of those news fact programmes came on. It was all over the place, those so-called ‘advertisements’. Then I saw the poster with him on it… The man who had called Mrs. Thisismy-Sisterwife a quote unquote, furin bzzztud.” When we pushed him for an explanation, he went on to say, “Well, my wife and I were walking in the village when one of these so-called quote unquote people confronted us. “Willy”, I believe is the name that he goes by. I will not see anybody making a penny out of Mrs. Thisismy-Sisterwife’s anguish and heartache.” Hmmm…
Mr. Iamnotpaparazzo first shot to fame with his now infamous “Casualties of Love” campaign depicting clubbers leaving all-night revelry parties after mouth and nose binges of the so-called “love-drug”, Ecstasy (The chemical formerly known as 3, 4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine). He now faces a lengthy legal battle over allegations that he was merely meant to use the phrase, “Drunk as a skunk”, rather than the chosen, “Pissed as a fart”, in the campaign. Moseley State Prosecutor, Rt. Hon. St.John Featherstone-Haugh Q.C., said that it was a clear breach of the agreements signed between the Moseley State Prosecutor’s office and Mr. Iamnotpaparazzo to allow the filming of the local street drinkers. Mr. Featherstone-Haugh said, “It is a clear breach of the agreements, a clear breach of security and furthermore, it is simply not Cricket to behave in such a fashion. There is absolutely nothing in this for me you know.” When asked of there was any truth in the rumours that he would be standing as the Conservative candidate in the forthcoming general elections, he only replied, “Well, I am jolly flattered that you should ask that. Currently I have no plans to, but if my public should decide that I am the man for the job, then I’ll have to think about it seriously – but currently I have no plans to do so. Aside from that, this has nothing to do with this case.” The Eye says, “And Sven-Goran Eriksson is staying at Lazio until the end of the season.”