Eye on Moseley

Once again Moseley threw open it’s doors to show the people of Birmingham that we really know how to party. This years street fair saw the usual heady cocktail of junk that people found in their lofts and questionable political agendas.

Using the patented Eye on Moseley quality indicator we have attempted to prove whether it really “wasn’t as good as last year”. Our calculations show that with an increase of visitor numbers of 7%, an improved weather indices of 4% but no dancing bear in real terms the street fair was approximately 2.25% worse than in previous years. No, real cause for concern but this decline can be halted through careful thought and massaging the figures.

Even if you were to totally ignore our pseudo scientific analysis it is the visitors themselves that best sum up the day. One lady that had come from as far away as Erdington told us “I came to find out about the inherent problems caused by the inexorable march of global capitalism. I didn’t expect to able to buy a lovely cushion as well.”

Anyone who’s anyone is talking about the crazy street fair on Saturday, organised and run, as you know, by Eye On Moseley with help from “the team” at the Green Party. The event was a huge success…apart from starting an hour and a quarter late…letting off the fireworks too early and cocking up the unveiling of the bear. Once underway though it went splendidly, with what some described as a “carnival” atmosphere. Little did they know that the dancing bear in the window was a real bear! Yes, having tired of dressing up in childish costumes, we imported a real life angry Russian bear and chained it to the window frame and spent the whole day cattle prodding it to make it “dance”. One child was so impressed that she drew the following picture.

Obviously it’s a rubbish representation of the actual event, but she was only three, so we told her it was “alright”. So many thanks for your support (waving etc..), and thanks to the droves of people who logged on to the site to look at the same stories that have been there for a month or so. We’re proud of you Moseley, you keep the fun alive and the King’s Heathens at bay. As for anyone who thought it was too loud (all three of you)the bear has a message for you…”The next time I see any of you, I’m going to shit up your nose.”

When Moseley Festival arrives, the people of Moseley can think of only one thing: joy. All year round Mothers tell their children of stalls of crap that line the streets as far as the eye can see. Tales of farmers selling meat and bread, local anarchists handing out leaflets about the imminent threat of globalisation and Buddhists worshipping Buddha.

Unfortunately this years festival was ruined by local malcontents working very much to their own agenda. A local so called “satirical” web site attempted to hijack this year’s festival by playing what could only be called, “noise” at unsuspecting passers by and dressing up as, of all things, a tiger. This shameless publicity stunt had nothing to do with community relations and everything to do with childish back-slapping.

A local resident told us “Christ! Look up there! It’s a fucking tiger! What’s that doing?” Insiders told us that this disgusting act of self promotion was merely an attempt to get people to read their “dodgy” web site. We suspect an ulterior motive.

These people have spent the last year or so slagging off the fine work done by the community groups of Moseley and we think it’s because they’re only after real power themselves. They must be stopped and we the people of Moseley must be the ones to stop them. Don’t read their web site. Don’t laugh at their puerile antics and definitely don’t go to any more of their parties.

One concerned by-stander put it better than we ever could, “It’s harmless isn’t it? You’re just jealous ‘cause your site’s a bit crap.”