Many Moseley residents are intrigued by the stunning lack of activity in our own little “Bull Ring” type development. Only now can we reveal the shocking truth about why matters have ground to a fault. In a very real sense the redevelopment of Moseley High Street will, one day, make our village a shopping Mecca that will eventually rival Paris or Rome. Though on a more fundamental level it will serve to get rid of the retail abortion that calls itself Kwik Save. Moseley residents are notoriously scared of change so a plan was hatched to retain the look of these historically vital buildings. Unfortunately as work began to give Moseley a much needed upgrade, the laws of gravity took matters into their own hands. The slightly observant resident will notice that instead of retaining the old frontage what in fact happened was that it was knocked down, to the ground. We contacted the builders and they told us “We have in fact retained the previous frontage but we decided that it would better to retain it in a skip on King Edwards Road. Any keen architectural students are more than welcome to come and have a look at it and during the week they can even have a chat with John who can remember what it looked like before it fell over. Moseley a heritage worth preserving.
In this time of growing world tension, the Moseley Society has been forced to take what can only be called, “drastic action”. We have received classified information that the shadowy paramilitary wing of the Moseley Society has, once again, been called into action. Using funds that had previously been put aside for the “cider fountain” on the village green, the Society have built a state of the art listening post on the corner of Wake Green Road. Using equipment supplied by the CIA, the Moseley Society has the ability to listen to every phone call and read every E-mail that is sent in Greater Moseley. The rational behind this is that only an intelligence led operation can prevent an insurrection from Balsall Heath or local residents thinking un-Moseley thoughts. One of the special operations officers for the Moseley Society told us, “So you like your freedom round here do you? Well it comes at a price you know. We hear everything you know. There was this bloke up King Edward Road and we heard him telling his mate that the Village Green was a bit shit. Broke his fucking legs.” Local civil rights activists were recently up in arms about this latest development but unfortunately all of them seem to have moved away now. Although we don’t condone this blatant invasion of privacy we do recognise that freedom must be protected and if it takes a man with a baseball bat and a big listening post to do it, so […]
Moseley was roused by the plaintive whimpering of a lone hippy on Monday morning. In a tribute to the Reclaim The Streets movement the local eco warrior, who did not want to be named, took possession of King Edward Road at about 8:30 in the morning. After realising it was a bank holiday he returned at about 10:00 when there were some people about. He told us “I am taking possession of this road to highlight the highlight the futility of road building. Look at this road it’s ridiculous, it doesn’t even go anywhere. Mind out, I think that woman’s trying to park.” He added later “I was going to go down to London but my mate Dave didn’t have any more room in his car and I can’t stand trains.” The police mobilised two tactical units to deal with the anticipated chaos but laughed like fools when they realised everyone was just driving round him.