Moseley security analysts were placed on high alert today after it came to light that the bulletheads of Kings Heath could have a bomb in a matter of weeks. It’s official guys; we’re on defcon 2!
A leaked report from the highest echelons of the emergency joint committee of Moseley Society, Moseley Traders Society, Moseley CDT and Jibbering Records states, “… due to the discovery of… atomic… material… being readily available… the only conclusion that we can draw is that those dumb twats up the road want to nuke our park.”
The Moseley Wardens have been stationed on twenty-four hour watch from classroom C5 of Queensbridge School to watch of signs of an imminent missile attack. Herr Oberfuhrer Kim Monaghan of the Moseley Wardens said, “We’ve figured that if there is a launch, we’ll be able to give the good people of Moseley an eight second warning before impact. This should be enough time to say, something along the lines of “Oh Fuck!” at least. It’s a worthwhile, but thankless task.”
P.C. Borg of The First Woodbridge Road Truncheon was seen issuing anti-nuclear umbrellas whilst muttering, “Shiny, shiny, shiny…”
A spokesbullethead for Kings Heath is quoted as saying, “… the whole thing is absolutely preposterous. We think the idea of us nuking Moseley Park and Pool is utterly bizarre. We’ve got two perfectly decent parks of our own and whilst we may not have an icehouse and some rare ducks, we’ve got the T.V. Garden from T.V.’s Gardener’s World. Beat that one hippies!”
The whole misunderstanding is thought to have arisen when some indie kids where overheard talking in Nima’s whilst purchasing a Hershey’s “Cookies and Cream” bar. It’s has been suggested that the whole incident was caused by much excitement and mirth at the sudden abundance of the Ned’s Atomic Dustbin back catalogue in Cash Converters. We wait for further reports from the Moseley Atomic Decontamination Organisation Nuclear Executive (MADONE) and will keep you updated.
