After the shock resignation of Aston Villa manager John Gregory, it looks like the north Birmingham hopefuls are once again on the lookout for someone to take them to the top flight of football. A source close to Doug Ellis revealed to us last night that they might not be searching as far as you would think. After Moseley Town FC’s awesome run of matches in December, it became apparent that the manager, Stu “Scarface” Haresnape, is likely to be Villa’s first choice. Fourteenth place in the Alliance Division 2 and a win in the Delmar Cup has brought this young manager to the attention of a number of high profile clubs. A meeting this morning at Villa Park is thought to confirm the appointment. Due to Moseley Town FC’s irregular commitments, it is thought that Mr Haresnape will now manage both teams with some probable swapping of players. He told us this morning, “With Ginola and Angel now moving to Moseley Town FC, I think we can look for to some more consistent displays on Sunday mornings. I also intend to play Joel up front for Villa because he’s always wanted to play for them and I thought, shit why not?” The news of this shock appointment has not pleased all of Villa’s existing players. Paul “Evens” Merson told us yesterday, “It’s his training methods I’m not too happy about. I heard from some of the Moseley Town lads that we’ve got to have all our meetings in the […]
Whilst an open top bus parading through the centre of Moseley might still be the stuff of fantasy, Moseley Town F.C’s second succesive win means Moseley is once again on Birmingham’s sporting map. Moseley Town’s glorious cup win against Queslet FC means some silverware is almost certainly assured this season, at least for the coffers of the Jug Of Ale. The feelgood factor for Moseley cannot be underestimated. Mr Nima has already commited funds to strengthen Moseley’s strike force and is said to be negotiating with Barcelona for a surprise winter signing. He told us yesterday “I can’t really say anything until the European transfer window is open but Rivaldo is very impressed with the facilities at Moseley town and is looking forward to soaking up the cafe culture of South Birmingham.” In other news the Hare and Hounds will possibly release Ronaldo (see Eye issue 7). He is said to be unhappy after his recent move from The Fighting Cocks and is looking forward to some first team action rather than pulling pints in Kings Heath. Moseley manager Stu “Scarface” Haresnape appears to be non-plussed by his potential new recruits, he told us “We’ll have to see if the lads can hack it at this level. I intend to try them out on our training regime of beer and fags and see if they can find a place in the side. Obviously if either of them has a car it will be a bonus as we have to train […]
Christmas is upon us, and as usual it is time for a host of gloomy warning adverts, sponsored by large fascist organisations such as the Fire Brigade and the Police, explaining the perils of this and that over this jolliest of seasons. You can say what you like but nothing quite puts me in the mood for the holidays as much as the sight of burning presents and bloodied drunk drivers on television. Now a new campaign is being run locally, which plans to avert one of the more common causes of minor injury over Christmas, dubbed “Christmas Clang Face” by local casualty departments. A spokesman said “The problem only occurs over the Christmas period and only affects the particulary stupid. With so many different coloured lights and fancy displays to look at, it sends their brains into a kind of short -circuit and they become like a sort of poorly-dressed, giant moth. Inexorably drawn to the source of their distraction, they usually end up walking face first into the object of their desire, sometimes at speed.” The council have rejected ideas for a blanket ban on Christmas decorations and called suggestions for enforced blinkering of the stupid “…Mental…”. If you see someone who looks like they could be suufering from C.C.F, place a blanket over their heads and escort them to somewhere dark and dull. Like The Jug Of Ale.
Moseley. Moseley, Moseley, Moseley. What’s wrong with you? We’ve given you more pubs than you can shake a stick at. Different types of pubs, with different types of drink. Of varying strengths. We’ve given you a plentiful supply of outsiders (as defined by the CRM and SRM ), who’ve invaded our territory. We’ve given you women…more women than you could ever hope to get through. Women with and without partners. We’ve given you loud music and muggy nights . Long summer days with nothing to do but drink and get sunstroke. We’ve given you everything. And will you fight? Will you fuck. Everything I’ve just mentioned is a perfect reason to have a fight. Your mate has seen the same bird as you? At the same time? Punch the fucker. You know he wants to do the same to you. Barman serving everyone else before you? Smack him. I shouldn’t have to give you tips though Moseley. The urge to fight should come as naturally as laughter. But in case any of you are having any trouble… The people at Seeker’s estate agents…I heard the Kwik-Save crew calling you a cranky mass of foreign nose pickings. And Druckers posse…I heard the Crafty Jungle boys say you wank over pictures of dogs. Oh and apparently, Wednesday night at the Bull’s Head is “Rubber and Rimming” night according to what I heard at The Jug of Ale. Allegedly. (Simon recommends that if you are going to glass someone with a pint glass, […]