Millions of Hippies are expected to descend on Moseley park this week in what is described as “The Greatest Hippy Gathering on Earth”. Saddhu Ric Capon has personally been overseeing the development of what can only be called “a fucking huge campsite” on the banks of the ley of Mose (the lake that is). In celebration of the first hippy landings in Moseley in the early 1600’s, Kumbh Moseley will be marked by a gaggle of hippies throwing themselves into the ley of Mose and by sheer force of will (and not a little earth magic) will somehow remain unwashed. Scientists remain baffled by this process. Hippy leaders are currently embroiled in a political struggle to see who can get the campsites closest to the lake for them and their followers. In a distinctly poor showing of the “Love and Peace man” ideals that are normally associated with dole scroungers, fights broke out after the hastily arranged Special Brew meeting went horribly wrong. A radical breakaway faction known only as “The radical breakaway faction” (RBF) became restless after they started seeing things induced by the drinking of too many of the local special, “The Fighting Cocktail” (an unique blend of Special Brew and Meths expertly mixed for your enjoyment and pleasure). Their erstwhile leader and otherwise pierced nutter, “Toilet” Mike is alleged to have started humping “Rizla”, the dog of “Big Issue” James. The ensuing fight led to the hospitalisation of a number of hippies and saddhu, conveniently allowing the […]
Simon says “Drug Frenzy”. Everyone wants to legalise drugs. The police, the media and politicians are all mad for it. The legalisation of marijuana has been dominating the national agenda recently, disregarding war crimes, famine and other problems that afflict foreigners. Fair enough I say, lets talk about things we know love and trust, and we know, love and trust drugs.But while we’re on the subject, why settle for the half-measures offered by the government ? As someone once said “Why trust one drug and not the other ?” Let’s have real freedom of choice. Lets legalise crack. Give me the little, white rocks, and the mind-bending lunacy that goes with them. I want the right to go on a three day spree of armed robberies. I want the right to sell my mum to a dealer. Fags and beer kill more people a year than crack. Probably. In fact, let’s go one better and precribe it. For all the politicians. Then we’ll get some proper decision making done. Prescribe it to hippies, so they get something done for a change. Prescribe it to kids.Give ’em something to aim for. WARNING Simon, whilst thoroughly enjoying the odd pipe-full now and again, does not in any way recommend crack. Unless you got to pop a cap in some muthafucka’s ass.
Moseley was roused by the plaintive whimpering of a lone hippy on Monday morning. In a tribute to the Reclaim The Streets movement the local eco warrior, who did not want to be named, took possession of King Edward Road at about 8:30 in the morning. After realising it was a bank holiday he returned at about 10:00 when there were some people about. He told us “I am taking possession of this road to highlight the highlight the futility of road building. Look at this road it’s ridiculous, it doesn’t even go anywhere. Mind out, I think that woman’s trying to park.” He added later “I was going to go down to London but my mate Dave didn’t have any more room in his car and I can’t stand trains.” The police mobilised two tactical units to deal with the anticipated chaos but laughed like fools when they realised everyone was just driving round him.