The Weather Girls might well have thought that it was Raining Men but according to local gynaecologists it looks like Moseley is set for a bit of a Baby Shower. The recent record escalation in Moseley pregnancies has lead some quarters to call for drastic action. Whilst imposing some sort of Chinese style one child one house rule might appear draconian it could prove the only solution to this demographic time bomb.
The ever increasing circle of fertilisation appears to be emanating from the geographical area known as Chantry Road. This has caused a degree of panic amongst South Birmingham Health Professionals, one whispered to us “I’m sure there is a common cause to all of this. I’ve heard of sowing your seed but someone out there seems to ploughing an entire fucking field, sorry did I say that out loud?”
Already the City Council is allocating resources to address the incumbent gurgling shit storm that is like to engulf the area. We shall see the swift development of crèche facilities in a matter of months.
The explosion in baby growth has caused despair amongst some sectors of our community. The ex-manager of Minor Matters told us “10 years I was up there flogging baby stuff. The moment I diversify into Peruvian tat this happens. Well, I’m disgusted. I can’t remember the last time I even saw a Peruvian round here. I thought those boys who sell records down the road were from the Andes but it seems that they just like the hats.”
It would be churlish to accuse the Right Honourable John Hemming of any involvement but when we asked him for comment he merely winked and said “God loves all of his children”. We are, as yet, still unsure whether this was a bland theological point or something wholly more worrying.
For no apparent reason we approached the local Liberal Democrat office for their take on the situation, they said “Christ not another one. Just give us the due date and costs you expect to incur over the first 16 years of life and we’ll send you a cheque.”
Please note the baby used in this story is not a real one.