The despicable practice of racing old gentlemen down the Alcester Road now appears to have reached epidemic proportions. Every morning hordes of the elderly can be seen puffing their way down the hill, each striving to have the accolade of the first to Select and Save. The horrifying consequence of this unseemly behaviour is that some have been seen to beat their way through the crowds of children gathered outside King David’s School.
It appears that the original idea for competitive geriatric racing was the brainchild of the Highbury Nursing Home. A representative of the home told us this morning “Everyone knows what a horrible burden the elderly are on the rest of us. What with their lack of adequate pension schemes and obsession with boiled sweets. We see this as a way of not only harnessing their limited energy but also giving them something meaningful to fill their days with.” Some have criticised the home for not employing appropriate safeguards for the saintly old souls. The home defended it’s position in a further statement “It is true, that last year the starting pistol gave old Tom a bit of a flashback to his time in Dunkirk but to be fair he’s unlikely to ever see the sea again so there was no real harm done.”
The Moseley Forum are now looking into the viability of erecting large cushioned barriers outside of the Salisbury in order to catch any errant gents that cannot address their pace. Some say this might be a bit of a waste of money but they’re still doing it.
We decided to ask one of the enfeebled athletes for their views. Although largely gibberish it certainly does fill up space “In my day…… killed a Jerry with my bare hands……….they build big walls in their gardens you know……didn’t know what an apple was but we all had rickets.”
