Local residents have once again been appalled by yet anther case of cider spiking. This cruel practice has become endemic in Moseley Village of recent times and is believed to be the work of some particularly vicious school children.

The children leave bottles of cider spiked with acid unattended on the village green and wait for the inevitably hilarious consequences. Local power monger and street drinker “Willy” was the latest hapless victim. Last Wednesday after only a mouthful of his free bounty he began to act even more strangely than usual. He gathered his drinking friends together on the green and spoke at length to them about the nature of belief and the importance of structure in society. This impromptu lecture ended with him performing some of his favourite sketches from the Morecambe and Wise Christmas special from 1975.

Police told us yesterday “We officially think this is excellent and encourage any members of the public to spike unsuspecting street drinkers with class A drugs.”

As of yesterday “Willy” was once again incomprehensible.

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