When much loved community policeperson Sergeant Tracey Packham decided to move on to the Operations Centre at Belgrave Road, Woodbridge Road saw the opportunity to finally clamp down on crime in Moseley.
As all local residents know crime is running out of control in downtown Moseley. With daily shootings and gangs of crack whores roaming the streets desperate measures were called for. Last year’s experiments with mechwarrior type search and destroy units (see eye passim) proved successful but failed to show the more sensitive side of community policing.
Thus the idea was born to call in Sergeant Kevin Borg. The Borg Collective are feared across the galaxy for their unceasing need to assimilate “lesser species”, and it was this unique skill that was thought particularly relevant to Moseley.
Although an inspired appointment, it hasn’t been a totally “glitch” free transition. At a recent meeting of the Moseley Traders Association Sergeant Borg told the gathered merchants that “Resistance was Futile” and tried to assimilate local news baron Mr Sai. It took the combined efforts of the manager of Kwik Save and the man who owns Zen to wrestle the cyborg to the floor. Mr Kwik Save told us later “He’s a strong fellah isn’t he? I reckon he just doesn’t appreciate our earth ways yet. He should have a word with Mr Nima, he had similar problems when he was first programmed.”
Eye on Moseley reckon that with his deadpan delivery and squeaky metal joints he should be a big hit in the on going fight against crime.