Researchers at Birmingham University have retracted their paper claiming that “Moseley (is) a bit shit” after the passionate outcry of local, learned residents. This comes in the wake of a fall in house prices and cheese shortages at Nima’s Delicatessen, thought to have been caused by panic buying and stockpiling by high society Moseleyites.

An academic, who preferred to remain anonymous, said, “Yeah, well we looked at Edgbaston and decided that it’s got some nice houses and stuff, but the people are basically a bunch of inbred, donkey buggering necrophiliacs, who wouldn’t know style if it came up and kicked them in their equine soiled genitalia. And another thing…” We had to cut him short there.

Whilst we at the Eye disagree with this opinion, we are relieved that Norwegian Yak cheese is once again available and abundant at Mr. Nima’s fine emporium. Praise be.

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