Christmas is upon us, and as usual it is time for a host of gloomy warning adverts, sponsored by large fascist organisations such as the Fire Brigade and the Police, explaining the perils of this and that over this jolliest of seasons. You can say what you like but nothing quite puts me in the mood for the holidays as much as the sight of burning presents and bloodied drunk drivers on television.  Now a new campaign is being run locally, which plans to avert one of the more common causes of minor injury over Christmas, dubbed “Christmas Clang Face” by local casualty departments.

A spokesman said “The problem only occurs over the Christmas period and only affects the particulary stupid. With so many different coloured lights and fancy displays to look at, it sends their brains into a kind of short -circuit and they become like a sort of poorly-dressed, giant moth. Inexorably drawn to the source of their distraction, they usually end up walking face first into the object of their desire, sometimes at speed.” The council have rejected ideas for a blanket ban on Christmas decorations and called suggestions for enforced blinkering of the stupid “…Mental…”.

If you see someone who looks like they could be suufering from C.C.F, place a blanket over their heads and escort them to somewhere dark and dull. Like The Jug Of Ale.

Share This