Agents of stealth and the proletarian consciousness have struck against Eye On Moseley, in a bid to prevent any further dissemination of our wholesome and fulfilling news and information to the people of King’s Heath. While the perpetrators of the act are now known to us, this information arrived too late to be of any use, and we are left clearing up after this monstrous attack.

We finally received news today from our double-agent working inside the King’s Heath propaganda nerve-centre (known to the unsuspecting public as the “In-Shop” sort of indoor market thing) that the attack was carried out by “The King’s Heath Network For Pregnant Teenagers and B and H fags”.

This “Network” stole back the scientists that we so publicly stole from them six months ago, using a tunnel in broad daylight to get into the vault in which they were kept, inside the Midland bank. They brought their awesome knowledge to bear on ground-breaking work in trainer / baseball cap cross-correlative coding, similar to binary, and broke the sci-fi / reality barrier, coming up with a devastating plan. Using their newly discovered minituarisation technology they placed a highly trained King’s Heathen commando into a microscopic vessel, which was loaded into a syringe in a scene reminiscent of “Inner Space” (starring Rick Moranis and Dennis Quaid), the intention being to inject one of our key members of staff and thus spread panic and fear throughout our offices.

Their vile plan worked and on one terrible morning two weeks ago ( now known as “The Morning Of The Big Foot” ) one of our most witty writers woke up with an exceptionally large foot. At first it was thought it may be the result of a bad packet of crisps, but this was discarded as a ludicrous idea. The best doctors money could buy were unable to provide a prognosis.The panic snowballed.

The foot not only prevented our man from carrying out the most basic tasks, but involved the rest of the staff in keeping him supplied with shopping, lager and other sundries. The pressure mounted until our own scientists finally came up with a miniaturisation process and injected one of our own Moseley commandos into the afflicted area. Needless to say our superior training and healthy diet saved the day. Whilst recovering, our large extremitied friend said “I was unprepared for the first penetration, and it went badly. The prospect of double penetration was a much more welcome idea and it went a lot more smoothly.”

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