Psychologists have been on high alert this month after the appearance of a lone tribute to the late Diana Spencer was discovered in the village. In what can only be described as “Floral Terrorism”, this callous act of ferrous refoliation was reminiscent of scenes outside Kensington Palace.

Shocked residents have called for a complete cessation of these senseless acts of horticultural vandalism. Local law enforcement agencies called in local famous TV gardening celebrity, Vinnie Jones to “make safe” the bouquet. The authorities vowed to catch this wanton vandal known only as “Audrey Jones of the Chantry Road Mafia”. In a statement issued this afternoon, they added, “If anyone knows the whereabouts of this felon, please, do not attempt to arrest her… remember our motto – ‘be a blade and we’ll bang’em up!’

In an effort to keep our high standards of journalism, we at the Eye, decided to ask the Memorial Fund for their opinion, but due to them declining, we had to make some shit up. Colonel Lord Monsignor James St.John Rara-Smythe CBE, OBE, BSE of the Memorial fund refused to comment, saying only, “When we were in Burma, during the Big One, we used to shoot the little chaps you know.
Terrible waste, if you ask me, but it was the right thing to do.” Anybody know what he’s on about? Beats me…

Ms Jones’s Lawyers released the following statement, “Our client would like to state that she is truly sorry for any distress that she may or may not have caused. She would like to add that this is the People’s Princess and we should always remember her – She weeps day and night over her, and that lovely Dodi. Mr. Fayed is such a nice lad, Harrods and all.” The Eye says, “Blah, blah, blah.” Eye On Moseley is keen to stress that crimes of this nature are very rare and, with your help, are becoming rarer still. So, please, don’t have nightmares.

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