A diplomatic storm was a brewin’ last week after shock stories of kidnapping and deceit emerged. Kings Heath residents claim that individuals in Moseley have been stealing their scientists. The diabolical human trade was uncovered when Birmingham University noticed its cybernetics department had gone. A representative of the university told us “We only noticed last month, the whole department had gone. Well not the building, but the staff have vanished. They all used to live in a big house together in Kings Heath but they’ve all gone. They’d been gone quite a while if all the copies of the New Scientist outside were anything to go by.”

The so-called “Kings Heath Brain Drain” began a few years ago with theft of a Mr C Daniels a research scientist who lived in Silver Street. It also co-incided with the third edition of Birmingham 13 Magazine’s “Moseley Scientist” column. A friend of Mr Daniels said, “I thought it was strange I saw Birmingham 13 Magazine and it had an interview with a Professor Nathaniels, he looked like Charlie, apart from the large rubber nose.”

An insider at Birmingham 13 Magazine told us “I don’t know how we got so involved. The Moseley Scientists column was so popular with our readers we didn’t have the heart to tell them we’d run out of scientists, so we decided to borrow a couple.” He added “It’s easy, you just go to the Prince of Wales and get them talking about Chaos Theory and then drug their beer. My mates got a van, so we can get them to the lock up on Chantry Road.”

At this time it is not known how many of the traumatised scientists survive the notoriously probing interview style of the Birmingham 13 journalists.

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