With election fever gripping Moseley like an angry parents hands round a child’s throat it was inevitable that matters should eventually lurch into the surreal. Preposterous rumours of marauding gangs of skinhead bikers, er marauding, has provoked the Moseley Forum to rethink it’s security arrangements for tonights hustings.
The Moseley Forum recently took a principled stance that as part of the hustings it did not really want to hear the racist ranting of the BNP. This prompted an outcry from some local racists and spawned unsubstantiated rumours that Moseley was being targeted by the far right bikers.
Given the situation the only reasonable step the Forum could take was to employ a lone crusader for justice to ensure the safety and security of all of us. After due consideration an approach was made to the Knight Foundation to request their help. They have a vast experience of combating out of control biker gangs in small town America and their skills are directly applicable to our dire situation. A spokesperson for the Knight Foundation told us this morning “Michael and Kitt are pleased to be able to help out the people of Moseley and also strongly support the building of the ent on the village green as it is a clear sign of both class and quality. Whilst in Moseley they will also resolve a dispute at Billesley Allotments between a local ranch owner who is starving melon farmers of water. It’s all in a days work.”
It is clear that asking fictional TV characters from the late 80s to provide security is nothing but a slap in the face for the local police. A police representative scoffed to us “I don’t think it’s very likely really. Can one man make a difference?”
The hustings will take place at Moseley CDT tonight and will be followed by an audience with David Hasselhoff where he will explain how popular he is in Eastern Europe and how Baywatch isn’t just about the tits.
For those who couldn’t really give a toss just stay in, watch the football and vote for Stu Masters as he’s a nice bloke and his party haven’t invaded anyone.