As the world marches inexorably towards war Moseley has been at the forefront of the international protest. Whilst many believe that opposing the destruction of the middle east is a moral stance it now appears that our actions have damned us in the eyes of our God.

It’s many years since God popped down to St Columba’s Church but last week that’s exactly what he did. Many expected the Lord to heap praise on Moseley for it’s “right” thinking attitude and inovative traffic calming measures but he/she was actually quite pissed off.

In a somewhat booming voice he told a rapt congregation “You disgust me, with your snivelling attempts to interpret my teachings. Did nobody tell you I’m a vengeful god? Did you not read the bible? Well let me tell you things are going to change round here. For starters, you can stop all this peace crap. Also are those railings outside new? I like them. A nice bit of iron that.”

Members of the congregation left the church very confused. One told us “Well he certainly gave us something to think about. I might become a hindu.”

The Moseley Society were last night meeting in closed session to discuss methods of making Moseley a less tolerent place thus avoiding our impending doom.

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