The New Lords of the Rings

Moseley owes JRR Tolkien a debt like no other. Few of our famous residents have had such an impact on the world stage. In their own way, Sue Beardsmore and Toyah defined news and music for a generation but JRR Tolkein’s homoerotic masterpieces have brought Moseley to the attention of the world.

In his formative years Tolkien was more Moseley than any other literary giant; from doing a paper round for Select and Save to eating a mixed grill in the Elizabeth of York the man bled B13. It was therefore fitting that yesterday the cast of the new Lord of the Rings films decided that Moseley was the best place to make their first public announcement.

Enigmatic movie maker, Peter Jackson, told us “Some people have been surprised at my decision to cast comedy Minister Chris Grayling but I felt a project as large as this would need some light relief. I hope that he can bring the slapstick approach he is famous for to the big screen.”

“As you can see, we’ve also got Roy Wood playing a magic man, or wizard, as I like to call them. With this cast, we’ve really brought the heart of the Midlands to Middle Earth. And this time we’ve got a woman in it, so there’s something for everyone.”

Andy Street told us “I’m not playing a hobbit”.

Is the world ready for more Lord of the Rings? Even though all of Tolkien’s books have had every last ounce of creativity extracted from them you can’t stop capitalism so, ready or not, there’s going to be another three films of eye-watering length.

*Please note the photo is courtesy of Andy Street, the new King of the Midlands. We publish in anticipation of permission that we haven’t got around to asking for yet.