Do you want to drink heavily in the park? Well thanks to a shock decision by the Moseley Park and Pool committee you can. The committee has finally realised that Moseley runs on pubs and so called “good times” and as a result has decided to install a tiny pub in the centre of the park.

This revolutionary change of policy seems to have been spurred by the parks ever spiralling overdraft. Many Moseley residents see the park as a right, and as such they never bother to pay for their keys. This blatant abuse has meant that the park is very nearly broke. A spokesperson for the park told us yesterday “The committee has previously felt that its primary role is to stop people going into the park. Recently we’ve noticed that although this policy kept the park largely free of people it has meant that we’re now flat broke. So we had a meeting and decided to throw the gates open and make the place a haven of fun and enjoyment.”

The tiny pub really isn’t much more than a tiny shed that sells beer but in many ways that’s exactly what most pubs are. The decision had a typically surly reaction from the fun loving manager of the Goose “Why should I care? I don’t like people coming in my own pub so why should I give a toss who goes to the park? In fact you lot get out now.”

It has also caused consternation amongst Chantry Road residents who are concerned that their expensively purchased peace will be shattered by raucous laughter and merriment. In a surprisingly candid comment the pool committee just chuckled and said “fuck ‘em”.

Hopefully this will pave the way for a truly cracking Moseley festival. Plans are already a foot to install a permanent sound system and a marquee that can hold up to ten thousand drug fuelled maniacs. Things certainly have taken a turn for the surreal.

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