Perennial failure Ken Hardman has shockingly announced that he is set to stand down from Moseley politics. Although this news will come as no surprise to those who realised he never really stood a chance of enforcing his somewhat rabid views on the fluffier side of Moseley, it is a disappointment to all of us who loved his cheeky banter.

Ken gave us so many happy moments such as his insistence that he could bend the laws of physics by travelling between his palatial home in Kingstanding and Moseley in 11 minutes. Whilst many residents will remember his legendary tales of highway maintenance. For years our Ken claimed that under his reign as councillor, Moseley residents didn’t even know what a pot hole was, except for those in the front of their shirts. Though probably Ken’s finest hour was the time he was harangued by local anarchists who steadfastly refused to piss on him. This despicable attitude finally confirmed Ken’s belief that there were indeed many things wrong with the world and he was the man to sort it out. Unfortunately Moseley voters didn’t share his view.

Ken’s decision is thought to have been made in order to allow him the time to concentrate on his hobby of eating crabs. Ken’s hatred of crustaceans, though bizarre, has led him on a crusade to make sure that all crabs are not only killed but are eaten by him.

The most worrying aspect of Ken’s resignation is the affect it will have on Moseley politics as a whole. The lack of a true character in Moseley can only have a negative impact on our already slack voting habits. This is why Eye on Moseley begs Ken to not give up on our moral well-being and once again stand as the runner up in Moseley’s forthcoming council elections.

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