Everyone loves chips don’t they? Well the people of Moseley have for too long been forced to travel to buy chips because we’ve rarely been able to sustain a chip shop with any comprehension of hygiene ratings. Those days have finally come to an end with the opening with one of the most innovative business ideas we’ve ever seen.
Flakes has opened offering the very first shop in Moseley to address the twin problems of needing to eat chips but also having a range of skin complaints.
The new owner told us “In today’s business climate it is naive to think a single use retail offer is economically sustainable. I’ve long supported Calori and Harvatopoulos’ theory that there are two elements to diversification in business. In this day and age it pays to position yourself strategically to be aggressive in terms of competition yet to aim for an outcome that fully capitalises on existing know how.
In our case conglomerate diversification was a natural move because the two things I know most about are making chips and dermatitis. Thus Flakes was born giving you an opportunity to get some relief from that nasty rash whilst you wait for a large haddock.”
It certainly looks like this move has shaken up business leaders with Baggleys Chemist now offering a free corn on the cob with every prescription.
Just last night I was in for a sausage supper with impetigo.
I am a fan of real Fresh roe and not the sloppy tinned stuff that seems to proliferate in the Moseley zone and environs. I am pleased to report that Flakes has done a flucking good job in getting FRESH roe on their menu board. However, disappointment prevails for local fresh roe followers as Flakes management have indicated that very little stock is in place (whoops) to satisfy demand.
On questioning Coddy (Manager) he broke down when he revealed that the last fresh roe catcher had drowned in the River Rea rapids, that sweep through Cannon Hill Park, He further explained that fresh roe catching is a dying art and he had, indeed been very fortunate is securing the services of one of the few remaining roe catchers UK wide, when he opened the new chippery in Moseley shopping centre.
It was further shocking news when he explained the demise of Micheal (roe the boat ashore) his roe man. Fresh roe with is shell like crunchy coating relies heavily on the Rea as it’s route towards its mating grounds somewhere beyond Kings Norton. The roe battles against the tidal flow (usually eastward) and jumps the rapids, rather salmon like, towards their mating lagoons. Fresh roe catchers of yore have expertise in scooping the roe into nets (amateurs have been known to use old old ladies tights – and young ones)as they jump the rapids. This occurrence happens only every full moon and not if the sky is cloudy. Hence, Coddy explained, fresh roe is a rarity, expensive and very infrequently on sale.
Michael, it was sadly explained was addicted to John Smith – the excuse of a beer not the person (though we never went into the sexuality of Michael although he once appeared on a UK roe catchers calendar that sold well along Hurst Street).
Michael had forgotten the full moon was due on one particular night and Coddy had summoned him to duty to bring the catch home (aka Flakes). Michael ridiculously felt he just had to attend the roe killing fields to fulfill his contract despite his very drunken state and took a bag of chips to make his night shift even more eventful than usual (purchased from his mates chippy – Haroon’s). He had forgotten his fishing overall and endevoured to, indeed, bring home the catch by wading into the Rea in his usual attire – sandals, left in someone’s will.
Suffice to Michael the roe man was swept away with in the rapids towards Salt – ley (oh! dear) never to be seen again.
Flakes are now earnestly negotiating with Bournville College to open a Roe Academy – the first full time course in the UK – to ensure continuity of the Fresh Roe Industry Gateway (FRIG) everywhere.
We now all know why fresh roe is expensive and rare but remains an enigmatic dish of delight for many.