Even the most blithely ignorant inhabitants of Moseley will have noticed the incredible facelift taking place in our local supermarket, with the possible exclusion of those people who read and produce B13 Magazine. What was formerly the “King’s Heath” of the supermarket world is now more like the errr… “Moseley” of the supermarket world. Boasting a new range of products including items never before heard of in “the Save”, such as “vegetarian” and “beauty”. This purveyor of previously shoddy goods now looks (and feels) better than ever.
The man in charge of our local Kwik Save (or manager) said “ This tactical re-structure was designed to bring us in line with our core audience. We have expanded our range of cheap, partailly bio-degraded meats. We have made it even easier to shoplift by placing a wider avenue in front of the main doors and we have made the store even brighter and scarier than before to better illuminate the lonely, pissed mentalists who shop there so we can laugh at their disorientation. “
Local people who are scared or confused about this change are being offered orientation sessions and given maps with the location of their favourite broken biscuits and cheap toilet rolls.