In this time of growing world tension, the Moseley Society has been forced to take what can only be called, “drastic action”. We have received classified information that the shadowy paramilitary wing of the Moseley Society has, once again, been called into action.

Using funds that had previously been put aside for the “cider fountain” on the village green, the Society have built a state of the art listening post on the corner of Wake Green Road. Using equipment supplied by the CIA, the Moseley Society has the ability to listen to every phone call and read every E-mail that is sent in Greater Moseley. The rational behind this is that only an intelligence led operation can prevent an insurrection from Balsall Heath or local residents thinking un-Moseley thoughts.

One of the special operations officers for the Moseley Society told us, “So you like your freedom round here do you? Well it comes at a price you know. We hear everything you know. There was this bloke up King Edward Road and we heard him telling his mate that the Village Green was a bit shit. Broke his fucking legs.”

Local civil rights activists were recently up in arms about this latest development but unfortunately all of them seem to have moved away now. Although we don’t condone this blatant invasion of privacy we do recognise that freedom must be protected and if it takes a man with a baseball bat and a big listening post to do it, so be it.

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